On The Wall

The dude I use to fish with most in school was a pompous ass, on the best of days. I can still think back and remember him running ahead of me to fish the spots first when we would trout fish the mountain streams of central Pennsylvania. This fellow never took kindly to being out fished, as much as he would revel in the sunlight of victory when his catch was superior. Then there was the day he caught his prized largemouth bass. Almost 30 years later I can still tell you it was a 6 pound, 6 ounce, 18.5 inch long fish. I can tell you precisely because it was all I heard about for a very long time. My gruesome little “friend” was never bashful about reminding me it was bigger than any bass I had ever caught.

This esteemed colleague had fallen by the wayside when I first purged the negative people from my life. His unbearable moral compass made fishing almost no fun, but I still have to admit I was jealous of that stupid fish on the wall. I had seen people with impressive collections of mounted animals and wanted to have those kind of grand adventures for myself. Mr. Inferiority Complex and his stupid fish ultimately meant nothing, but the idea behind what those mounts stood for was a feeling which spurred me on to build my own collection.

Let’s face it, if you’re in true, deep, unrelenting love with the outdoors then you can’t resist the pull towards wrapping yourself up in it. You realize that every animal harvested is a trophy, and something to be thankful for. After a while it may or may not occur to you that you’ve built your own personal museum of personal successes afield. Despite the endless grumbles of my family, who saw this as pointless, I was able to do just that. After two decades and tens of thousands of dollars I had amassed a collection that was my dream.

Then, as it always does, reality struck. As I was sitting in my home, I happened to look at my beloved silver Russian boar and realize he looked a bit blonde. Closer inspection showed me there was a virtual circus of dust and cob webs my vertically challenged self couldn’t easily detect. Then so began my research into how to clean and maintain my mounts. Along the way I learned a few things about the origins of taxidermy. Here’s a few things I picked up.

The practice of mounting an animal has been around for a very long time. It probably comes as no surprise to learn that animal mounts were found in ancient Egyptian tombs. It is a practice that is observed in all cultures and all walks of life around the world, except for vegans but they really don’t count. Among all these peoples in all these locales the reason behind the practice changes too. Some may use it as a means to command respect as a hunter while others are putting the specimens in museums exhibits.

The word “taxidermy” comes from a combination of the Greek words “Taxis” and “derma.”  The word “taxis” means to move and “derma” means the skin. Ergo, a rough translation is “arrangement of skin.” It pretty much covers the whole spectrum where the mounting of animals, or parts thereof, are concerned. There is a brilliance in the person who can arrange the skin of a critter over a form to immortalize the harvested animal. It’s almost the most fun to look at the vintage taxidermy when you go to a museum or place that has something hanging about. Most of those methods to mount those vintage pieces are still in use, they’ve just changed with the times.

Skin mounts are the most common form of mount, but there are still others a hunter may have hanging in their trophy room. We start out with the reproduction mount. Some methods of creating a mount do not involve the actual body of the animal. Instead, detailed photos and measurements are taken of the animal so a taxidermist can create an exact replica in resin or fiberglass that can be displayed in place of the real animal. This is really no fun, but it makes people happy, so who am I to judge. It’s called an Eco-Hunt, where you can hunt an endangered and protected species with rifles loaded with tranquilizer darts rather than real bullets. While the animal is out of commission, the hunter poses for photos, the animal is measured to see what size of fiberglass head can be purchased to most closely approximate the actual beast. The darted animal is not harmed, pissed off, but not harmed.

Re-creation mounts are representations of either extant or extinct species that are created using materials not found on the animal being mounted. The taxidermist will use the hide, feathers, and skin of a different animal. The National Taxidermy Association defines Recreation mounts as: "Re-creations, for the purpose of this [competition] category, are defined as renderings which include no natural parts of the animal portrayed. A re-creation may include original carvings and sculptures. A re-creation may use natural parts, provided the parts are not from the species being portrayed. For instance, a re-creation eagle could be constructed using turkey feathers, or a cow hide could be used to simulate African game.” A famous example of a re-creation mount is a giant panda created by taxidermist Ken Walker that he constructed out of dyed and bleached black bear fur.

Study skins, which are more concerned with keeping the animal’s skin intact. Simply put, you tan the hide, stuff the critter with cotton, and stitch him up. There’s little concern put on eyes and ears in this method. You’ll mostly find these in museums, as their only real purpose it to preserve what information can be learned about the animal’s skin. Scientists do this so they can extract DNA from the skin at a later point in time.

Let’s consider a few points to help in filling your wall. With all that said, it should be a no-brainer to go to a reputable taxidermist. Stay away from the people with a bad reputation and an empty studio. Don’t pay for your mount in advance. Give them the minimum to start and not one penny more. On one occasion I paid for 3 fish in full. The taxidermist passed away before he could start the fish and his son spent my money on crack. So, protect yourself there.

Avoid a taxidermist who just offers a guarantee. If they won’t put it in writing then be prepared for the conditions to change. Like Ms. Lightsey from Florida Trophy Gators who swore I would have to pay for shipping if I made pickup myself only to charge me an extra $200 when I showed up. In all fairness to her, I was the fool who didn’t get it in writing. If they can’t send you a simple email, like Ms. Lightsey refused to do, then there is something fishy besides your catch.

Also, your taxidermist should be a master of his craft. He should be able to show a studio full of awesome work and guide you in how to make your animal look amazing on the wall. They should also be able to show you how to clean, maintain, and repair your investment. A well-organized professional will have a library of pictures and mounts to help you picture and decide on what work you want done.

On the topic of cleaning, which is what started me on this little venture, it couldn’t be more simple. Don’t use any cleaners, oils, stains, degreasers, scented anything, or harsh chemicals. Use a simple wash cloth that is barely damp. You don’t want to saturate the mount in any way, yet you need enough moisture to make the dust stick to the rag. A feather duster will also work wonders if applied on a weekly basis. But, for those of you suffering through a remodeling project, a simple damp rag will be very effective to get the stuck on dirt. Don’t rub the fur too hard as it often is painted and can discolor, and don’t be too aggressive when cleaning around fins, ears, gills, eyes, whiskers, or noses.

So, there’s the nuts and bolts of the wonderful world of taxidermy. I hope your tens of thousands of dollars are well spent so you can have a wall of cherished memories.