Misguided

The mix-matched crew of folks who gathered around the picnic table were the embodiment of the American hunter. There were people from all races, age groups, and social classes. We numbered about a dozen in all. Some novice, some veteran hog hunters. We sat and eagerly waited for our orientation that was mandatory for the small ranch we were hunting near Gonzales, Texas. Doug, the manager of the hunting ranch began our orientation by giving the group directions to the hospital. “Go left out the gate, go nine miles, and turn left at the light if you hadn’t blead to death by then” was the simple instructions.

You could feel the anticipation thickening as the orientation went on. It was time to go hunting and we were ready to go for it. It was a perfect December day and everyone had driven far. After twenty agonizing minutes the group was split up, and we loaded into Doug’s shiny new Dodge truck to be dropped off in varying locations around the ranch. After years of near-encounters my first wild hog hunt had finally begun. After a short ride across the three-hundred acre property I was dropped off with two other hunters and we began our spot and stalk.

Brad and Amy were my companions on my first ever hog hunt. They were a younger couple who drove all the way to Texas from their home in North Dakota. Neither were strangers to the world of hunting and they were as eager as my to get some pork chops for the freezer. We got our bearings before Doug’s truck was even out of sight and we began our first stalk. The approach was very simple. We had been shown a map of the property. We were always to stalk in the same direction to the property border, and we had a card with cell phone numbers for when we downed a pig.

Within a half-hour of walking we came upon a trail that had fresh sign. Brad was closest to the property line, with Amy in the center and I on the inside of our line. As I walked through some mesquite brush I could see a large brush pile directly in front of me. It was a large tangle of brush that had a dark center. As I approached there was hardly a noise as a large pig charged out and headed straight for me. Instinctively, I ducked behind a tree to avoid the collision course the pig had settled into. The beautiful animal moved like a brown, shaggy bolt of lightning. I barely had time to shout a warning to Amy as the pig turned and headed down a trail directly towards her.

I could hear Brad holler to his wife as the pig rolled Amy’s one-hundred and twenty pound frame through the brush. Neither Brad nor I could make a shot at the pig, and we were left only with fighting our way through the underbrush to come to Amy’s aide. The charging pig was long gone by the time Brad and I made it to Amy. When he rolled his battered wife over there was utter shock for Brad and I to see Amy laying in the brush, laughing hysterically. She was okay, miraculously. Within a few seconds were all laughing at what had just happened. We had been hooked to the world of hog hunting.

After we collected our composure and helped Amy get herself put back together we were able to move on. The pig we had first encountered was simply evading us. It was on a trail leading somewhere and it was running over anything in its way. We followed the pigs trail to a clearing where the tracks mixed with that of several other pigs. We kept on for time before we made it to another thick patch of woods. Just that quick a pig jumped from the weeds and darted across towards Amy. She drew and fired, but her shot missed its mark. Brad, already set with his CVA Inline muzzleloader, was able to place one perfect shot right behind the pig’s ear.

As the pig crumpled into a heap on the trail, the report of the rifle caused a few more pigs to emerge out of a different pile of brush closer to me. I spun back towards the movement I had keyed in on and quickly leveled my crosshairs on the ear of a respectable sized sow. With a quick, smooth squeeze of the trigger the pig fell in her tracks, a perfect shot placed directly behind the left ear. Viola, my first wild pig, on the first day, of my first guided hunt. The excitement was beyond anything I had ever experienced in the woods. We drug our animals to the main part of the trail and took our pictures while we waited for the ranch hands to come get us to clean our prizes. Brad had taken a small boar with one inch tusks.

So passed my first semi-guided hunting experience. It took years and a lot of disappointments to make it there, but the exhilaration was well worth it when I finally made it. I had been part of planning at least three other such trips in the years leading up to this hunt, only to be disappointed as my travel companions would back out, one by one, until there was no trip to be had. After a while I came to the grim realization that if I wanted to live life to the fullest I couldn’t always count on anyone to want to take part in it with me. When I made this realization I was able to start planning trips that have given me opportunities for some fantastic hunts.

After doing several low-budget hunts I was able to learn a few details along the way that helped me select guides who care about their clients and do their best to make sure the hunter goes home with a trophy for the wall or some meat for the freezer. Sadly, in order to learn these trick I had to get raked across the coals to really drive the point home. Guided hunts are expensive, and for a person on a budget the idea of getting bad service on that hunt of a lifetime is disturbing. I hope this article will pass along some good and bad experiences to help select a good guide for your first guided hunt.

So, you go to work, earn your check, save your extra money, practice with your weapon of choice, and dream of an exciting hunt. The first part of the process is to decide what you really want to go after. You can begin by answering the questions “who,” “what,” “when,” “where,” “why,” and “how?” Once you decide that the real fun begins. When you have decided what to hunt you will usually be able to narrow it down to where you will be hunting. That is the “what” and the “where”, now you have to work on the “how”.

Since you will on the internet anyway, it may be a good idea to do some research on the area you will be hunting. This will give you a chance to look at weather trends, license requirements, seasons, bag limits, and special laws or regulations. Having this little bit of knowledge will help you start a list of questions for the guides you interview. You can also take some of that information and use it to decide the time of year and other considerations when you’re planning your trip.

The internet is literally full of sites put up by guides and groups who specialize in any type of game you could ever want to hunt. This is good because it gives you a base for price comparison, but can be bad because there is no real interaction. Remember, these guides are business people. They are out there to make money. Specifically, they are out there to make your money. By that manner of reasoning you are the boss and they are the prospective employee looking to get hired for a job. Everybody involved needs to be treated as such.

With that being said, there are no stupid questions. If a guide gives a vague answer or just doesn’t answer your questions then there is no reason you should hire them to take you on your guided hunt. If a guide won’t put anything in writing you should be suspicious. A brochure is great, but if it doesn’t have any details that you want it is pretty much worthless. While a lot of the people in the industry may be good people there are the few who you wouldn’t want to trust for the slightest moment. So, treat a prospective guide like they are interviewing for a job in your company. Make them prove they are worthy of receiving your hard-earned dollars. If they have a problem with that approach then you simply need to hang up the phone or walk away.

Being a bit old-school I am a fan of face to face contact. Anyone can lie to a telephone, but to look someone in the eye and do it takes a despicable talent. I have encountered one such guide in my adventures, so face to face isn’t the great cure all, but it does make selecting a guide easier. So if you want to talk to your guides you can do so at any number of outdoor shows held all over America. The Harrisburg Outdoor Show in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania is the biggest such show I the eastern seaboard, but there are plenty of smaller local shows you can attend to meet and greet different guides. So with a Google search you’ll be able to search through a handful of shows to attend rather than thousands and thousands of guides.

When you find a show and are ready to grill a prospective guide it is best to have a list of questions already set. What kinds of bugs do you have, what’s the weather like, what is the total cost, how much is license, how much is game processing, what about taxidermy, can I get some references, what is included with the price, and any other questions you may have. If it’s your first guided hunt you should have plenty of questions. Again, if the guide gets annoyed or doesn’t make every effort to supply a reasonable answer you need to hang up or walk away.

Now, you’ve put together a list of guides and grilled them to the point of being down to a few that you would like to hunt with. It’s time to decide the “when” for your hunt. Some places in different areas of the country may have closed seasons or off-seasons depending on what animal you are after. Being a true skinflint you should always be asking if there are any late-season or early-bird discounts. Always ask about coupons, discounts, show specials, internet specials, armed forces/law enforcement discounts, or group discounts. When you find a guide that will book a hunt on your timetable and in your price range you have the “when” and “who” established.

This is the part where you have to consider the “why” and “how.” You’re going to be spending a good sum of money, even for a budget hunt, so it’s important to know why you are going on the trip. Do you want the experience or are you after a head for the wall? Do you want the meat or are you just looking for a different kind of vacation? When you have these questions answered you are ready to start working on how the trip will work.

By this point you’ve sent your deposit in to the guide service you’ve selected. If you were meticulous about the questions you asked you will already have a good idea of what to expect and how to prepare for your trip. Nevertheless, when it’s your first time on a guided hunt there is bound to be questions that will arise. This is another instant where you should be able to reach out to your guide and ask questions. Remember, you’re the boss. You hired them and gave them the chance to earn your money. A good guide should not hesitate for a moment to help you prepare for your trip. When you’ve hired a good guide you’ll have the “how” answered. At that point it’s time to go hunting.

The whole selection process can go so wrong when you don’t look at your hunt from the right point of view. Some years back I had decided I wanted to hunt an alligator with my bow. Being a northern boy there wasn’t many guys who had an alligator on their wall, so it seemed like a really cool thing to do. While attending the Harrisburg Outdoor Show I met with a guide from Okeechobee, Florida who promised to put me on to a five-foot gator for $500. The guide service was called Florida Trophy Gators, and I perceived the owner to be honest enough about how his operation worked. I couldn’t have been further from the mark.

In asking questions about the hunt I was promised a Florida gator hunt for the total price of $500, to take a five-foot alligator. That price was to include license and all. I was given a price list for taxidermy service and processing. I was also given a time frame for getting the alligator mounted and was told the mounted gator would be transported from the taxidermist to the Harrisburg Outdoor Show where I could get my mount for a small fee. It sounded like a really sweet deal. Unfortunately, everything is not always what it seems.

Then there was what really happened. I arrived at the ranch at the time I was supposed to. Instead of going hunting I had to make a trip to a local Walmart to buy the hunting license that was supposed to be included in the price. After returning from Walmart you’d think it was time to go hunting. Wrong again. I was left to sit and wait for an hour and a half while the only ranch hand completed a deal with some local alligator hunters.

Those guys left and it was time to jump in the airboat that was all over the ranch’s YouTube videos. Well, not exactly. The only airboats I got to see on the ranch were parked under a shed. While the swamp buggy I rode on was cool, it still wasn’t the airboat I had imagined. Oh well, we were still headed to the open waters around Lake Okeechobee. You guessed it, that didn’t happen either. We actually went to a muddy watering hole on the back corner of the cow pasture.

So after the hunt I was the proud murderer of a lovely little alligator, It was then I learned I had to take the gator in my own car over to the ranch owner’s parent’s place, who were the taxidermists used by the ranch. The catch was there was a processing fee if you used a different taxidermist. After driving over I was presented with a four pound box of alligator meat. I paid my deposit and left to begin the long year wait to see my completed trophy.

In that time I moved from Pennsylvania to Georgia so you would figure getting the mount picked up would’ve been even easier. That was definitely not the case. With funding my move I was slow to get an opportunity to finalize the deal for the finished mount. In making final arrangements I had spoken to the wondrous Bonita Lightsey, who was the proprietor for the taxidermist. I assured her I could come pick up the gator and there was no need for the $200 crate she wanted to build and sell me. She agreed and a date was set for me to drive to Florida to claim my prize. All was right with the world, except for being forced to pay for a $200 crate when I arrived. I was given the alternative of losing the $700 I had paid for the mount or paying the $200 for the crate. Decisions, decisions.

That’s an example of a bad experience. I love the memory of my gator hunt, and I love my gator on the wall, but I wouldn’t use Florida Trophy Gators again if the hunt was free. I didn’t ask the right question, I didn’t get the details in writing, and I made the mistake of looking online and assuming what the hunt would be like based on what the operators had posted. I didn’t answer “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” “why,” “and “how?” Had I done so I wouldn’t have been taken advantage of nearly as bad.

On the flip-side, there are good trips to be had at smaller places that are more reasonable with their prices. On a hunt in the Texas hill country I had the privilege to stay at Hunt’s Ranch, for a semi-guided chance at a Painted Desert Ram. This property was a dairy farm that had been converted into a hunting ranch. The owner had converted the milk house into a cabin that was comfortable, in a charmingly outdated sort of way. It was a place where you brought your own food and did your own thing. There was nothing hidden or sugar-coated.

For this hunt I had asked all the right questions and was totally prepared for what the ranch had to offer. I had a successful bow hunt and my harvest was cleaned and packed away exactly as was described in the advertisement. The owners were awesome people and the property was beautiful. I was left with a cooler of meat and a splendid mount to add to my collection. It goes to show how well you can make out by staying clear of the big name guides.

A guided or semi-guided excursion can be one of the most exciting things an outdoorsman can do. But such a trip can be costly to pay for, especially if you don’t question and re-question the guide you are going to trust with your money. Be wary of flashy signs, impossible promises, and evasive salesmen. Remember that you are in charge and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. When you’ve done your homework and are ready to go all you need to do is have a camera at the ready while you make the memories of a lifetime. Happy hunting.