Silence Please

It was just another prefect weekend day for me to wallow in my pre-Christmas blues as I relentlessly shopped for unique treasures to give to my love ones on the most festive of holidays. I had scowered a number of vendors at a local flea market and hit several stores in my area. I traveled a route home I had seldom used and found another store that caught my attention. It was a quaint second-hand store with an overabundance of goodies, mostly of which I either had no money or no use for. As I browsed the aisles I happened across a book with a familiar cover. It took me a second for my brain to register I had just happened on a copy of the Anarchist Cookbook.

I could barely contain my jubilation as I snatched the coffee-stained book, half expecting the price to be more than I would be willing to spend. I took it to the counter and was delighted to find it was only $3. I have no use for a book like this, but the novelty is something I couldn’t walk away from. Let’s face it, any cookbook that gives recipes for spaghetti sauce, banana bread, TNT, and other questionable delicacies is well worth reading. As I was reading I came across a section of the book devoted to building silencers for your favorite firearm. This chapter renewed a curiosity I had for a long time. I wanted to learn how a silencer works.

I’m no ballistics analysist or weapons engineer, but I think I managed to figure out a little of the nuts and bolts of what makes a suppressor work. Basically, when a gun is fired there is a fast exodus of gun powder and pressure at the end of the barrel. Some say the actual noise a gun makes is the bullet breaking the sound barrier. While this may be true, it is not the only thing making noise. All the gas and pressure makes the sharp crack we all know and love. The suppressor is simply a tool to control the release of that gas and pressure. In a nutshell, the standard suppressor you would buy is a simple tube with a series of spacers and baffles situated inside.

The end that threads on the weapon has a blast chamber right inside. This allows for the gas ejected from the barrel to expand when you fire a shot. The chamber is a larger space that prevents over-pressurizing the tube. From there the bullet travels the length of the tube. The gas that follows continues into the baffles and spacers. When the gas enters these areas of the silencer there is some time allowed for the gas to cool and exit the weapon slower.

This slow, controlled release of the gas is what brings down the noise level of the weapon. Regarding the baffles, they are what make the whole thing function well. Suppressors can have any number of baffles, from 2 to 12, or more. The more baffles in the suppressor the more noise cancelling capability the unit will have. However, the number of baffles is not the only factor in a suppressor’s ability. The quality of construction and materials used from construction can also impact the suppressor’s effectiveness. We’re talking about materials and craftsmanship that can clobber you over $1,000 for the best of suppressors. Materials used can range from titanium and stainless steel to oil filters, to soda bottles, and any in a number of other professional grade and makeshift components.

Seeing that I am as cheap as they come, I’m going to spend most of my time talking about the good, old-fashioned oil filter suppressor. For those who haven’t actually seen this in action, the name says it all. It is an automotive oil filter fixed on the end of a firearm that reduces the noise the gun makes when fired. At first glance it seemed that simple, but the more I dug and looked, the more complicated the crazy little idea became. The big issue with this approach fashioning a home-made suppressor is the legality. There are minute points and details everywhere that can jam someone up if they approach things wrong. How jammed up, you ask? Jammed up to the tune of $10,000 in fines and up to 10 years in the slammer, courtesy of your friendly ATF Agent.

Let me pause here and throw out a few disclaimers. First, the Anarchist Cookbook is not the greatest source of information regarding anything. I do mean anything. This is a book that can instruct you on how to fire a flaming bottle of gasoline off the end of a shotgun barrel. If that doesn’t sound like a trip to the emergency room on your way to county jail, I really don’t what would. Second, there is nothing that can silence a gun. It is a suppressor, as it suppresses the sound. The little mouse-farts you hear in the moves is nothing close to what the reality is. Third, guns can be dangerous. Please don’t try to make a suppressor for your gun if you don’t know the dangers or the laws associated with doing so. Forth, and final, if you want to get serious about owning a suppressor you can go to your favorite gun store. They’ll know all the laws and forms you should be aware of.

Now, with all that out of the way, let’s talk about suppressors. The anti-gun crowd would ask why we need them. That’s almost a good question. In my research I found one poor lady who wrote about the horrors of an American public allowed to have suppressors. That’s where the question goes bad. There is so much confusion about what suppressors can do for a firearm. It’s sufficient to say you won’t be able to murder someone with your silenced assault rifle and not have the person in the next house over hear you. Again, they only suppress the noise, not silence it. What a suppressor can do is make less ear-damaging noise for shooters. They can also make the forests quieter for the animals, wild or domesticated. When looked at from that angle, suppressors offer more positives than negatives.   

But all the positives in the world don’t change the fact that Americans have to jump through rings of fire to own a suppressor. If you do some reading you discover there are countries where suppressors aren’t nearly as heavily regulated as they are in America. Seeing that I am lamentably poor, I seldom have occasion to travel to places like England and Australia to see for myself. Ironically, these are countries who regulate guns far more than in America. When you compare apples to oranges, it doesn’t seem like suppressors really impact crime that much. On a side note, did anyone else notice Hillary Clinton forgot to mention that when she spoke of the Australian gun control model?

So, if suppressors don’t actually “silence” a gun and don’t have much to do with crime statistics, then what’s the big, fat, hairy deal? In a word, money. When you go to buy a suppressor you will have to purchase a $200 tax stamp. This will include a fingerprinting and photographing session. Again, your local gun store can tell you about all you will have to do to own a suppressor. Yes, despite what some may say, it is perfectly legal to won a suppressor. You simply have to go about it properly. But, going about it properly can be difficult by itself. There can be a very fine line between proper and improper.

Let’s look at the soda bottle approach. I really hope I don’t have to say this is not the proper way to own a suppressor. If you just had the idea “just don’t get caught” go through your mind you need to stop reading and go seek professional help, though I doubt you would benefit from it. The soda bottle method is just that. It’s a soda bottle affixed to the muzzle of your weapon. This is a futile attempt. It doesn’t suppress the noise that well, can be dangerous, and makes the weapon practically impossible to aim.

The next style is a tube with an arrangement of metal screening, oil soaked cotton, plastic bottle caps, rubber baffles, and any other number of improvised materials. This isn’t the best scenario either. A suppressor needs to be a unit designed to stay together. If it’s slapped together with random goodies there is a chance things can shift and obstruct the path of the bullet. This can lead to any in a wide, wide, wide array of failures. These failures can range from send a bullet astray to embedding part of your gun in your forehead. Then there is the possibility of that trip to the emergency room before they take you to the hospital.

Option three is the oil filter approach. This is the middle-of-the-road approach to owning a suppressor. On one side of the road you can do the right thing by going online and purchasing any one of several products which are made to adapt a standard oil filter to the threads on a firearm. These adapters are NFA items and can be shipped directly to your FFL dealer. They generally cost between $55 and $85 and are more than effective. When they are shipped out they come complete with an oil filter. You pay the tax, sign the papers, do the checks and will own your own, legal suppressor. They do limit your ability to aim your gun, but are otherwise generally safe to use.

On the other side of the road you can use the build-up tape method to attach your oil filter. If you’ve been following along you will see this is not the best approach. For one thing, it’s not legal. It’s also not as stable as you need it to be. As you fire your weapon the tape can shift, causing the bullet to possibly bounce around inside the filter as it makes its way towards open air. This method leads us back to the prospect of an extended stay in Camp Graybar.

Aside from the tape build-up method, there are regular adapters you can buy online that can be more stable. You simply need to know the thread size so you can modify the muzzle to accept the adaptor with the mounted oil filter. This is much more efficient and safer than the tape build-up method. However, this counts as manufacturing a suppressor, and is therefore not allowed either. The ATF says “18 U.S.C., § 921(A)(24) The term “Firearm Silencer” or “Firearm Muffler” means any device for silencing, muffling, or diminishing the report of a portable firearm, including any combination of parts, designed or redesigned, and intended for the use in assembling or fabricating a firearm silencer or firearm muffler, any part intended only for use in such assembly or fabrication.”

With that in mind, we move on the commercially produced, marketed, sold, and owned suppressors you see at the range. These units are effective, safe to use, and you won’t have to worry about being drug out of your bed in the middle of the night. They are affixed on guns that have been modified by a qualified gunsmith and are meant to enhance the enjoyment of your shooting experience. Again, any reputable gun shop will be able to tell you all about the legalities for your individual state so you are sure your investment is protected.

I do need to take a sidebar here and talk about money, for just a second. The tax stamp I’ve referred to is not necessarily like a license. It doesn’t mean you will be able to get one stamp and own multiple suppressors. It more means you can have multiple tax stamps and own 1 suppressor per tax stamp. Want to own 6 suppressors? That will hit you $1,200, plus the cost of the suppressors. It simply needs to be known you’re facing a $200 investment before you even pick out the style of suppressor you want. Even those who may be thinking about making their own suppressor at home need to know the finished product will need to have a serial number engraved and go through very much the same process.

So, let’s take a minute to talk about decibels. You know, the units used to measure sound. The average human ear should be protected at about 85 decibels, which is where damage can begin. By the time you reach 140 decibels you are playing with an audio fire that will take a long time to recover from, if you can fully recover at all. According to information published by the NRA a .22 caliber firearm can produce decibels of 143.5 decibels. On the larger end of that scale a .458 Winchester Magnum can deliver a whopping 174.4 decibels.

Say what? So, as most anyone who has ever shot a gun knows the muzzle blast far exceeds the levels a human ear can tolerate, undamaged. Now, imagine how your hunting dog feels. Or, if you’re the conscientious hunter who cares, imagine how the deer, rabbit, bear, or hog who didn’t get shot feels. So, all that factored in makes the use of a suppressor a positive for both the hunter and the hunted. On an average most suppressors will reduce the report of the weapon between 14 and 43 decibels, depending on the configuration of the firearm. We can see even the best case scenario wouldn’t allow for that mouse-fart double agent action we see in the movies.

Another point to consider is accuracy. There is a lot of information out there, but the general consensus is a suppressed weapon will not suffer any issues with accuracy. So long as the suppressor is of a type that does not make any contact with the bullet there will be nothing notable about the performance capabilities of the weapon. In fact, the only way a weapon is affected by a suppressor is the threaded barrel, which isn’t illegal to do to a gun but it can bring down the value of the weapon. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of ways around that.

Now, to summarize, suppressors can be a fun and useful tool to add to your firearms collection. Keep in mind improvised devices can be dangerous and land you in a du truck full of stink. As always, have a gun dealer you can trust before you run out and try to pick up your new toy. There are a lot of options depending on the gun you want to suppress and the money you want to spend. Make sure to purchase your suppressor legally and have an effective way to store your paperwork. Do your homework so you know all your local laws. Other than that, keep calm and silence on.

"Powerlessness Corrpts" - From somewhere and sometime off the internet

                                                            Powerlessness Corrupts

It’s powerless, not power; that breeds doctorial and punishing styles of behavior. It is powerless in positions of responsibility that coerce when they cannot persuade. The ultimate weapon of the powerless is to hold others back. Real power comes in part from doing the extraordinary – creating, inventing, and planning. Powerless people, on the other hand, are often bogged down by trivial problems calling for instant solutions that are seductive because of the illusion of accomplishment they provide. In turn, people stop taking them seriously. Anticipating resistance in all directions, the powerless become more coercive downward. People often have a neurotic need to dominate when they feel anxious or helpless, inferior or insignificant as a protection and a defense. The psychologically powerless turn to control over others. They may want to be right all the time and are irritated at being proven wrong. They cannot tolerate disagreement. In short, they become critical, bossy, and controlling. The powerless, when in an authoritative position often become rules-minded in responses where friendly persuasion will fail. Furthermore, getting everything right is usually how others respond to them, who lack other ways to justify their own worth. In turn, they demand this kind of ritualistic conformity from others like a teacher more concerned with a paper’s neatness than its ideas. In response to feeling insignificant, the powerless turn to their own small territory and guard it jealously, narrowing their interests to focus exclusively on it. They will insulate and protect their territory and prevent anyone else from engaging in it without their participation and approval. That in turn disempowers others and spreads powerlessness downward and outward in the system.

The powerful can, in contrast, afford to look generous and democratic. They are rich in resources and can give more of them away. They empower others so they too can grow in greater responsibility. They have little to gain by inferring other’s autonomy.

The powerless need to insulate themselves. Insulation itself can create powerlessness. The usual responses to feeling powerless are to control more tightly, punish, ser greater limits, and permit fewer risks, spread the mentality of powerlessness even further until the whole, larger organization becomes sluggish.

The alternative is to empower other – delegate, compromise, and cut down on insulating layers. Real power is mobilizing others towards their goals, not controlling them.

Catfish Confidential

Is there a sick, twisted person out there who doesn’t love catfish? If you know someone who doesn’t you need to be very careful around them, they might not be human. Having spent serious time chasing these magnificent creatures in waters all over the eastern seaboard and in the Gulf of Mexico I can say I’s definitely addicted to catfish. They’re fun to fish for, catch, cook, and eat. They give the outdoorsman the whole package. Best yet, they’re relatively cheap to fish for. Here’s some useful, and not so useful facts about these most admirable to Animalia.

First, and foremost, catfish are everywhere. They come from a large family and have existed almost everywhere on Earth at one point or another. Antarctica seems to be the only area on the globe that has not yielded any evidence of catfish habitation as far as we can tell. Madagascar, New Guinea, America, Canada, Mexico, China, Russia, you name it and odds are they have their very own species of catfish. These hardy fish have evolved and adapted to live in waters from the South American tropics to places like Canada, that are frozen over for half the year.

What is more interesting is the characteristics they display across the planet. There are examples from about eight families of catfish which are hypogean, meaning they live totally underground. There are also a number of specimens that troglobitic, or cave-dwellers. There are also a number of species of catfish that have adapted to live in salt water. They also literally cover every form of habitat the Earth’s waters have to offer. From rocks to boulders, mud, silt, sand, and weeds, you’ll find a catfish.

Catfish also come in a number of sizes, which inherently determines their dietary needs and feeding behavior. These amazing fish can range from up to six-hundred pounds down to a mere tenth of an ounce. The three largest species are the Mekong giant, the Wels catfish, and the Paraiba, which are all formidable predators. The mid-range of size include the detritivores, which feed primarily on matter on the bottom of the body of water. Then there are still smaller, parasitic, species such as the candiru.

Sustainable fisheries being of such importance in today’s world means catfish are perfect for aquaculture projects. Catfish have a healthy conversion rate making them great for farming. The conversion rate refers to the amount of food it takes to produce a particular amount of farmed product. Catfish can grow very well on an economical diet and some species are very well adapted to pond life. This makes them easy to manage and harvest at an optimal age. The flesh provides an excellent meal, full of protein.

As much as there are no shortages of waters containing catfish, there are no shortages of people eager and ready to serve them up. The most commonly eaten catfish in North America are the blue catfish and the channel catfish. As a boy growing up I was always excited for the day after a strong rain when my grandfather would take me to a local creek where we would get a stringer of yellow-belly, or mud cats. Like most red-blooded Americans these smaller species of catfish were breaded and fried.

But no matter where you go someone will have a local favorite for their catfish. Myanmar uses catfish in a noodle dish. Catfish pepper soup is a favorite in Nigeria. Malaysia has ikan keli (catfish fried in spices). Indonesian catfish is called warung and is usually eaten with vegetables. In Bangladesh catfish is usually eaten as a delicacy during monsoons. Catfish is often cooked in a paprika sauce called harcsapaprikas in Hungary. There are also a number of Vietnamese dishes featuring catfish. Interestingly, Vietnamese catfish cannot be sold as catfish in America. Therefore it is labeled as swai in all America grocery outlets. So the next time you pick up a bag of swai filets in the freezer sections you’ll know you’re looking at a Vietnamese catfish.  Ronald Reagan even went so far as to name June 25, as National Catfish Day to recognize the value of farm raised catfish. They are that important to humans food supply.

On the down side, whenever humans decide to start going commercial with something in nature it often gets away and begins to cause havoc in other ecosystems. Such is the case with certain species of catfish. For example, the flathead catfish is a large predator with a voracious appetite. This beast of a fish has been reported as far north as my native waters on the Susquehanna River in central Pennsylvania. With few natural predators and a large supply of food such a fish will explode in numbers and eventually push out the native fish in the area.

Another example of an invasive catfish species is the walking catfish that was introduced into Florida waters. Again, we have a fish with a big appetite who is now on the loose in an area where it can get a foothold. Because of their adaptability catfish are also sold around the world as aquarium pets. After a time the owners of the catfish turn them loose into the wild, further spreading the problem of invasive fish species. While encountering such anomalies in the wild lend an element of excitement to a fishing trip they can be devastating to the local ecosystem.

Catfish are nearly perfect creatures, physiologically speaking. Most species have a somewhat flattened head which dually serves as a means of digging through debris on the bottom of the water. The shape of their head also seems to serve as a hydrofoil, allowing some of the larger species to achieve remarkable speed. Their boney head and smaller gas bladder allow them to sink rather than float, which helps them as most either feed or hunt from the bottom.

Catfish are true hunting machines. Any person who has stalked an animal in the woods knows how crucial your sense of smell is. Some of the larger species of catfish have chemoreceptors on their skin, which basically means they “taste” anything they touch and “smell” anything in the water around them. Ergo, gustation is one their main means of locating food. Gustation is the chemical reaction created when something comes in contact with a taste bud, which is basically what covers the entire skin of a catfish. Additionally, catfish can also breath through their skin via cutaneous respiration.

While many species are nocturnal, their eyes are usually able to help them spot and attack prey in the daytime as well. However, they don’t rely primarily on their eyes, so the eyes on many species tend to be smaller. Additionally, catfish have a well advanced Weberian apparatus, which in combination with the swim-bladder helps a catfish hear better than most. Now we begin to see a predator that can swim fast, hear far away, see as good as most, and tastes, smells, and breaths through its skin. We have all the hallmarks of a creature built to survive anything.

But that isn’t where it stops. Depending on species, catfish can have up to four sets of barbels on their head, which the resemblance to cat’s whiskers is where we get the name. These appendages can also aid in the detection and harvest of food. Affixed to the spine and skull are barbs, some of which are hollow and capable of producing a protein based venom to ward off attackers. This venom is produced in the epidermal tissue by glandular cells. Others aren’t hollow, but sharp and capable of inflicting some heavy wounds. They have large, broad tails that can allow them to swim fast and fight strong currents.

As if all that wasn’t enough scientists have also found that catfish can produce sounds and actually communicate. Many times it has been questioned why some species of catfish groan or croak when taken from the water. Those are distress sounds created in the swim-bladder, and they would sound far different under the water. Research has shown catfish can use their swim-bladders and pectoral fins to produce sounds. The sounds produced vary depending on the mechanism use, and reason for making the sound. The sounds can be alarms, determining distance, courtship, and locating other fish.

The catfish’s mouth is also something to pay close attention to. Catfish will often gulf or inhale their prey as opposed to cutting or biting. Some species have a mouth that can expand to unprecedented sizes, allowing them to inhale larger meals. Catfish have no incisiform teeth and they cannot protrude their mouths forward like other fish as a result of the support structure for their barbels. This means the fisherman will do best to have a stable bait that the fish can attack and inhale smoothly.

There is no shortage of suggestions regarding the best gear to tackle these feisty predators. You’ll see every approach from fancy boats specially fitted with all the bells and whistles right down to the simplest rod and reel. Going back to fishing with my grandfather and grandmother, I have seen a number of respectably sized catfish landed on an old-fashioned Zebco 202, which was all my grandparents fished with.

So as a skinflint, I refuse to spend large quantities of green to fish for catfish. If you have a boat that’s good enough. A simple rig with a depth finder will serve you well. When you fish a lake or river try to sue your depth finder to look for slopes on the floor beneath you. Often times you’ll have success drifting your bait up these slopes. Naturally this could change based on water depth, temperature, time of year, spawning patterns, and feeding patterns. Your electronics don’t need to be fancy, just as long as they give the depth so you can judge where to set your lines. Once you have that figured out it’s just a matter of moving around to find the fish.

If you’re fishing from shore you really only need a rod and lawn chair. It really doesn’t get simpler than that. Look for areas you can cast out to where there will be a deeper pocket. If you can structure nearby that may hold baitfish it is a plus. You also want to fish the area where the wind blows in to as that wind will push the food chain in your direction. Don’t spend your money on metal sticks to poke in the ground and bells and lights. Wherever you fish, you’re bound to be able to find a tree and it will give you all you need. You can make a stick to poke in the ground. Another trick is to use a pencil-sized twig with the bark stripped off as a strike indicator. Just put a small slit in the end so you can hang it on your line. Easy and cheap puts the catfish on the table.

Regarding tackle, you don’t need anything special. Large channel catfish have been landed on four-pound test line. It’s just all a matter of how good an angler you are and how much time you’d be willing to spend landing the fish. Basic rods and reels within your budget is all you need. Hook, line, and sinker is all the average person has to worry about. The only additional thing I use is the occasional steel leader when I fish areas with a lot of sharp rocks on the bottom. You only need the regular rig for most places.

An overabundance of information will be more the problem in trying to determine the best choices for bait on your next catfishing endeavor. This is another case where simplicity will win the day. Any major retailer that sells baits will no doubt have a selection of packaged stink-baits, flavored dough-baits, and packaged minnows. While I have seen mixed reviews on these products effectiveness you can get good results on more simple, straight forward alternatives.

Worms are good bait for catfish, but they also attract various other species. This isn’t a problem if you don’t mind catching any in a variety of fish. We had discovered at one point that worms dug out of areas where cow manure was stored gave them a particular aroma that made them seem more delectable to fish in general. However, regular night crawlers work well too. If you live near farm fields you can good luck with night crawlers after a rain storm as they wash into the water where they are descended upon by the hungry catfish and other varieties.

My personal favorite, and go-to bait, is chicken liver. These are cheap and effective. Chicken liver has a high iron content and strong odor, which means the fish can locate them from miles away. I’ve encountered many anglers who insist on rotten chicken livers. Don’t do this to yourself. The possibility of food-borne illness is increased and nobody has even been able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt they work better. Even if they do work better, they’re just nasty.

Live or dead fish also work quite well. Good success can be had with both, but you will typically need some larger baitfish to really grab the attention of nice sized catfish. Depending on your location you can get any of a number of varieties of baitfish that will yield some impressive catches. If your baitfish are dead and a little funky they seem to work better than rotten chicken livers would. Take your funky baitfish and carefully make some smaller incisions along the side to maximize the amount of smell they’ll put in the water.

The last selection is a bit out of the ordinary. First, get the cheapest cut of beef you can. Reduced for quick sale is fine, just as long as you don’t spend any more money on it that you have to. Take it home and cut it into bait sized portions and put it in a Ziploc bag. Then you marinate it for a few days in the hottest sauce you can find. If you want a variety of flavors you can even switch it up and use some different bar-b-q sauces. We’ve found Texas Pete hot sauce and Sweet Baby Ray’s Chili Wing Sauce. Keep in the fridge until ready to use and keep it in the cooler while you use it. When you reel it in you can place the used meat back in the bag and let it marinate more. This is more economical as a small portion of beef can last for a good long while.

There are plenty of catfish tournaments out there, and anglers who get really in depth with their catfish trips. But, the best time you can have fishing is sitting along the bank dragging in some catfish on a Saturday night. Avoid the complications and just use some simple equipment and tactics and take the time to have a cheap night out. Let’s not forget the fantastic protein you’ll harvest for your next fish fry as food is always the best way to a person’s heart.

Misguided

The mix-matched crew of folks who gathered around the picnic table were the embodiment of the American hunter. There were people from all races, age groups, and social classes. We numbered about a dozen in all. Some novice, some veteran hog hunters. We sat and eagerly waited for our orientation that was mandatory for the small ranch we were hunting near Gonzales, Texas. Doug, the manager of the hunting ranch began our orientation by giving the group directions to the hospital. “Go left out the gate, go nine miles, and turn left at the light if you hadn’t blead to death by then” was the simple instructions.

You could feel the anticipation thickening as the orientation went on. It was time to go hunting and we were ready to go for it. It was a perfect December day and everyone had driven far. After twenty agonizing minutes the group was split up, and we loaded into Doug’s shiny new Dodge truck to be dropped off in varying locations around the ranch. After years of near-encounters my first wild hog hunt had finally begun. After a short ride across the three-hundred acre property I was dropped off with two other hunters and we began our spot and stalk.

Brad and Amy were my companions on my first ever hog hunt. They were a younger couple who drove all the way to Texas from their home in North Dakota. Neither were strangers to the world of hunting and they were as eager as my to get some pork chops for the freezer. We got our bearings before Doug’s truck was even out of sight and we began our first stalk. The approach was very simple. We had been shown a map of the property. We were always to stalk in the same direction to the property border, and we had a card with cell phone numbers for when we downed a pig.

Within a half-hour of walking we came upon a trail that had fresh sign. Brad was closest to the property line, with Amy in the center and I on the inside of our line. As I walked through some mesquite brush I could see a large brush pile directly in front of me. It was a large tangle of brush that had a dark center. As I approached there was hardly a noise as a large pig charged out and headed straight for me. Instinctively, I ducked behind a tree to avoid the collision course the pig had settled into. The beautiful animal moved like a brown, shaggy bolt of lightning. I barely had time to shout a warning to Amy as the pig turned and headed down a trail directly towards her.

I could hear Brad holler to his wife as the pig rolled Amy’s one-hundred and twenty pound frame through the brush. Neither Brad nor I could make a shot at the pig, and we were left only with fighting our way through the underbrush to come to Amy’s aide. The charging pig was long gone by the time Brad and I made it to Amy. When he rolled his battered wife over there was utter shock for Brad and I to see Amy laying in the brush, laughing hysterically. She was okay, miraculously. Within a few seconds were all laughing at what had just happened. We had been hooked to the world of hog hunting.

After we collected our composure and helped Amy get herself put back together we were able to move on. The pig we had first encountered was simply evading us. It was on a trail leading somewhere and it was running over anything in its way. We followed the pigs trail to a clearing where the tracks mixed with that of several other pigs. We kept on for time before we made it to another thick patch of woods. Just that quick a pig jumped from the weeds and darted across towards Amy. She drew and fired, but her shot missed its mark. Brad, already set with his CVA Inline muzzleloader, was able to place one perfect shot right behind the pig’s ear.

As the pig crumpled into a heap on the trail, the report of the rifle caused a few more pigs to emerge out of a different pile of brush closer to me. I spun back towards the movement I had keyed in on and quickly leveled my crosshairs on the ear of a respectable sized sow. With a quick, smooth squeeze of the trigger the pig fell in her tracks, a perfect shot placed directly behind the left ear. Viola, my first wild pig, on the first day, of my first guided hunt. The excitement was beyond anything I had ever experienced in the woods. We drug our animals to the main part of the trail and took our pictures while we waited for the ranch hands to come get us to clean our prizes. Brad had taken a small boar with one inch tusks.

So passed my first semi-guided hunting experience. It took years and a lot of disappointments to make it there, but the exhilaration was well worth it when I finally made it. I had been part of planning at least three other such trips in the years leading up to this hunt, only to be disappointed as my travel companions would back out, one by one, until there was no trip to be had. After a while I came to the grim realization that if I wanted to live life to the fullest I couldn’t always count on anyone to want to take part in it with me. When I made this realization I was able to start planning trips that have given me opportunities for some fantastic hunts.

After doing several low-budget hunts I was able to learn a few details along the way that helped me select guides who care about their clients and do their best to make sure the hunter goes home with a trophy for the wall or some meat for the freezer. Sadly, in order to learn these trick I had to get raked across the coals to really drive the point home. Guided hunts are expensive, and for a person on a budget the idea of getting bad service on that hunt of a lifetime is disturbing. I hope this article will pass along some good and bad experiences to help select a good guide for your first guided hunt.

So, you go to work, earn your check, save your extra money, practice with your weapon of choice, and dream of an exciting hunt. The first part of the process is to decide what you really want to go after. You can begin by answering the questions “who,” “what,” “when,” “where,” “why,” and “how?” Once you decide that the real fun begins. When you have decided what to hunt you will usually be able to narrow it down to where you will be hunting. That is the “what” and the “where”, now you have to work on the “how”.

Since you will on the internet anyway, it may be a good idea to do some research on the area you will be hunting. This will give you a chance to look at weather trends, license requirements, seasons, bag limits, and special laws or regulations. Having this little bit of knowledge will help you start a list of questions for the guides you interview. You can also take some of that information and use it to decide the time of year and other considerations when you’re planning your trip.

The internet is literally full of sites put up by guides and groups who specialize in any type of game you could ever want to hunt. This is good because it gives you a base for price comparison, but can be bad because there is no real interaction. Remember, these guides are business people. They are out there to make money. Specifically, they are out there to make your money. By that manner of reasoning you are the boss and they are the prospective employee looking to get hired for a job. Everybody involved needs to be treated as such.

With that being said, there are no stupid questions. If a guide gives a vague answer or just doesn’t answer your questions then there is no reason you should hire them to take you on your guided hunt. If a guide won’t put anything in writing you should be suspicious. A brochure is great, but if it doesn’t have any details that you want it is pretty much worthless. While a lot of the people in the industry may be good people there are the few who you wouldn’t want to trust for the slightest moment. So, treat a prospective guide like they are interviewing for a job in your company. Make them prove they are worthy of receiving your hard-earned dollars. If they have a problem with that approach then you simply need to hang up the phone or walk away.

Being a bit old-school I am a fan of face to face contact. Anyone can lie to a telephone, but to look someone in the eye and do it takes a despicable talent. I have encountered one such guide in my adventures, so face to face isn’t the great cure all, but it does make selecting a guide easier. So if you want to talk to your guides you can do so at any number of outdoor shows held all over America. The Harrisburg Outdoor Show in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania is the biggest such show I the eastern seaboard, but there are plenty of smaller local shows you can attend to meet and greet different guides. So with a Google search you’ll be able to search through a handful of shows to attend rather than thousands and thousands of guides.

When you find a show and are ready to grill a prospective guide it is best to have a list of questions already set. What kinds of bugs do you have, what’s the weather like, what is the total cost, how much is license, how much is game processing, what about taxidermy, can I get some references, what is included with the price, and any other questions you may have. If it’s your first guided hunt you should have plenty of questions. Again, if the guide gets annoyed or doesn’t make every effort to supply a reasonable answer you need to hang up or walk away.

Now, you’ve put together a list of guides and grilled them to the point of being down to a few that you would like to hunt with. It’s time to decide the “when” for your hunt. Some places in different areas of the country may have closed seasons or off-seasons depending on what animal you are after. Being a true skinflint you should always be asking if there are any late-season or early-bird discounts. Always ask about coupons, discounts, show specials, internet specials, armed forces/law enforcement discounts, or group discounts. When you find a guide that will book a hunt on your timetable and in your price range you have the “when” and “who” established.

This is the part where you have to consider the “why” and “how.” You’re going to be spending a good sum of money, even for a budget hunt, so it’s important to know why you are going on the trip. Do you want the experience or are you after a head for the wall? Do you want the meat or are you just looking for a different kind of vacation? When you have these questions answered you are ready to start working on how the trip will work.

By this point you’ve sent your deposit in to the guide service you’ve selected. If you were meticulous about the questions you asked you will already have a good idea of what to expect and how to prepare for your trip. Nevertheless, when it’s your first time on a guided hunt there is bound to be questions that will arise. This is another instant where you should be able to reach out to your guide and ask questions. Remember, you’re the boss. You hired them and gave them the chance to earn your money. A good guide should not hesitate for a moment to help you prepare for your trip. When you’ve hired a good guide you’ll have the “how” answered. At that point it’s time to go hunting.

The whole selection process can go so wrong when you don’t look at your hunt from the right point of view. Some years back I had decided I wanted to hunt an alligator with my bow. Being a northern boy there wasn’t many guys who had an alligator on their wall, so it seemed like a really cool thing to do. While attending the Harrisburg Outdoor Show I met with a guide from Okeechobee, Florida who promised to put me on to a five-foot gator for $500. The guide service was called Florida Trophy Gators, and I perceived the owner to be honest enough about how his operation worked. I couldn’t have been further from the mark.

In asking questions about the hunt I was promised a Florida gator hunt for the total price of $500, to take a five-foot alligator. That price was to include license and all. I was given a price list for taxidermy service and processing. I was also given a time frame for getting the alligator mounted and was told the mounted gator would be transported from the taxidermist to the Harrisburg Outdoor Show where I could get my mount for a small fee. It sounded like a really sweet deal. Unfortunately, everything is not always what it seems.

Then there was what really happened. I arrived at the ranch at the time I was supposed to. Instead of going hunting I had to make a trip to a local Walmart to buy the hunting license that was supposed to be included in the price. After returning from Walmart you’d think it was time to go hunting. Wrong again. I was left to sit and wait for an hour and a half while the only ranch hand completed a deal with some local alligator hunters.

Those guys left and it was time to jump in the airboat that was all over the ranch’s YouTube videos. Well, not exactly. The only airboats I got to see on the ranch were parked under a shed. While the swamp buggy I rode on was cool, it still wasn’t the airboat I had imagined. Oh well, we were still headed to the open waters around Lake Okeechobee. You guessed it, that didn’t happen either. We actually went to a muddy watering hole on the back corner of the cow pasture.

So after the hunt I was the proud murderer of a lovely little alligator, It was then I learned I had to take the gator in my own car over to the ranch owner’s parent’s place, who were the taxidermists used by the ranch. The catch was there was a processing fee if you used a different taxidermist. After driving over I was presented with a four pound box of alligator meat. I paid my deposit and left to begin the long year wait to see my completed trophy.

In that time I moved from Pennsylvania to Georgia so you would figure getting the mount picked up would’ve been even easier. That was definitely not the case. With funding my move I was slow to get an opportunity to finalize the deal for the finished mount. In making final arrangements I had spoken to the wondrous Bonita Lightsey, who was the proprietor for the taxidermist. I assured her I could come pick up the gator and there was no need for the $200 crate she wanted to build and sell me. She agreed and a date was set for me to drive to Florida to claim my prize. All was right with the world, except for being forced to pay for a $200 crate when I arrived. I was given the alternative of losing the $700 I had paid for the mount or paying the $200 for the crate. Decisions, decisions.

That’s an example of a bad experience. I love the memory of my gator hunt, and I love my gator on the wall, but I wouldn’t use Florida Trophy Gators again if the hunt was free. I didn’t ask the right question, I didn’t get the details in writing, and I made the mistake of looking online and assuming what the hunt would be like based on what the operators had posted. I didn’t answer “who,” “what,” “where,” “when,” “why,” “and “how?” Had I done so I wouldn’t have been taken advantage of nearly as bad.

On the flip-side, there are good trips to be had at smaller places that are more reasonable with their prices. On a hunt in the Texas hill country I had the privilege to stay at Hunt’s Ranch, for a semi-guided chance at a Painted Desert Ram. This property was a dairy farm that had been converted into a hunting ranch. The owner had converted the milk house into a cabin that was comfortable, in a charmingly outdated sort of way. It was a place where you brought your own food and did your own thing. There was nothing hidden or sugar-coated.

For this hunt I had asked all the right questions and was totally prepared for what the ranch had to offer. I had a successful bow hunt and my harvest was cleaned and packed away exactly as was described in the advertisement. The owners were awesome people and the property was beautiful. I was left with a cooler of meat and a splendid mount to add to my collection. It goes to show how well you can make out by staying clear of the big name guides.

A guided or semi-guided excursion can be one of the most exciting things an outdoorsman can do. But such a trip can be costly to pay for, especially if you don’t question and re-question the guide you are going to trust with your money. Be wary of flashy signs, impossible promises, and evasive salesmen. Remember that you are in charge and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. When you’ve done your homework and are ready to go all you need to do is have a camera at the ready while you make the memories of a lifetime. Happy hunting.