Life is a Highway

The art of travel is an incredible thing. For some it’s a thing of joy and for others a thing of loathing. Whether it be for business or pleasure there are a ton of considerations to calculate when you prepare to hit the road. The minute you sit in your car and leave your comfort zone you enter that realm where anything can go wrong, or right if you play your cards right. A trip away from home can be some of the very best of times or the ugliest of nightmares. So often you see people embark with no clue where they’re going, what they’re getting into, or what to do when things go wrong. Here are some general thoughts for your next getaway.

I wouldn’t normally bother with something so mundane, but I’m forever shocked by how many people I see go on a trip in a car that may need some help. It’s sufficient to say that not everyone can afford a new car at all, let alone afford one and still be able to afford a vacation. However, the first thing you need to do is check every inch of your car. This will help mitigate the possibility of a breakdown while you’re on your trip. If Murphy’s Law has anything to say about it your breakdown will happen in the least favorable of places. You can decide what you think is the most unfavorable place and that’s where you’ll be stranded.

You also want to make room for tools. I don’t care how new your car is, you need something basic to get you going if at all possible. On a trip to Canada with Scott I suggested a toolbox. Scott assured me his truck, which was still very new, was under warranty and we would be fine. He was right as it turned out and the trip went very smooth. Now for people who don’t have newer vehicles, you need something for in the event of an emergency. Especially if you are aware of some little quark with your vehicle that could turn into a major problem on the road. You can’t always rely on luck in finding a mechanic who won’t destroy your wallet when you are a thousand miles from home.

Case-in-point, on a trip to El Paso, Texas I had the pleasure of losing a water pump while heading back to Dallas. I had taken my truck to Jack Williams Tire and Auto, in a town in central Pennsylvania. After they beat me up for $1300 in made up repairs I was ready to spend the rest of my life savings to go on a long anticipated trip. Things went pretty well until my wife and I were heading back towards Dallas to make our next stop.

That’s when the temperature gauge spiked and I could feel my world come crashing down. I believe “F%#K ME!” were my exact words as I sat along the interstate. I lived up to the promise of breaking down exactly in the wrong place. I managed to nurse my beloved Dodge Dakota to the nearest exit, 8 miles away. There I found an O’Reilly Auto Parts store where I was able to really get under the truck and see what was happening. I knew I didn’t have the tools to do the job and the associate at the O’Reilly didn’t know of any mechanics. There I was, uck-fayed.

As I stood outside the door of the auto parts store, gripped by exasperation and general discord, I happened to focus on an abandoned gas station about 2 blocks away. It looked very much like any other abandoned gas station except for the big, white letters spray painted on the window that simply read “Mechanic” and a phone number. As the hour was growing late, my temper growing short, and my list of options looking sick I quickly called the number and was relieved when a man answered the phone. He promptly showed up and agreed to do the job for $250. The day was saved and my budget was shot.

So the moral of the story is to always be ready for things to go as far wrong as they can. While this fellow’s price was a bit on the high side, he was still about $150 dollars cheaper than anyone else who learned they would be doing a job for someone twelve-hundred miles from home. All this being said, it also wouldn’t hurt to have an APP downloaded to your phone for a major auto parts retailer chain. They will usually be your best resource for finding help with mechanical issues while on your trip. Download one APP or all of them, knowledge is power and you’ll need all the help you can get when you’re stranded.

When your car is ready to go and you’ve done all you can to mitigate the chance of a break-down you can focus on packing. Again, this seems like a simple point, but after all the trips I’ve been on in my day I always find it amazing how many people don’t know how to pack for a trip. Rule number one, don’t forget your damn underwear. While you’re packing your underwear, make sure to pack extras. If you forget anything else you will be able to survive, but clean underwear are something you simply can’t be without.

Now that we have that covered we can move on to the other, less important stuff. Which is basically everything else. This is a topic that doesn’t need to be beat to death. If you’re old enough to be able to go on a trip then you’re old enough to remember to pack a toothbrush. That being said, be sure to study the weather and landscape where you are going to. On my afore mentioned trip to El Paso we found ourselves camping on a piece of property we had recently purchased in the desert north of the city. Unfortunately, we were totally and utterly unprepared.

Our fifty-acre tract of land was situated close to the Canudas mountain range in the desert Hudspeth County, Texas. It was a beautiful place to see. With the exception of the drug cartels running the border in the area there was nothing but you and the antelope. Then the sun went down. At night the temperature dropped and a couple of happy campers suddenly were freezing their asses off. The days were hot, and hot some more. Yet every afternoon, at about 3 o’clock, you could bank on a strong gust of wind that hurled little spines from some sort of local cactus at you.

After freezing all night and having my sun-burn prodigiously peppered with a million of these little pricks I came to the realizations I simply didn’t have the right cloths for the environment. I had the guns to hunt whatever I wanted. I had tools to fix the tent pole and fix the flat tire I got from a cactus. But I didn’t have light weight cloths that covered everything to protect me from the environment. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. So, I emphasize that you need to know what the weather will be like where you are going. If all else fails you can call to where you will be staying and ask them. We can at least hope one of the locals would be able to tell you over the phone how the weather is.

Now we have the car ready and our bags packed. The next step is to look ahead for any services you may need. We talked a little about mechanical services, but its best to look for anything else you may need before you leave. The SkinFlint travel guides states shop ahead to save maximum dollars. In that spirit it is prudent to have your rooms booked, and any tickets bought. You can also look ahead for laundromats, specialty shops, souvenir shops, grocery stores, or anything else you can foresee you’ll need. After you’ve done that you’ll be ready to travel.

Also, pay attention to your mileage so you can make the best fuel purchases. In keeping with the times you can download any in a number of APPs to your smartphone that will tell you where you can get fuel and what you’ll pay. Nothing is more frustrating than paying extra for gas because some greedy little man runs a scam on tourists who don’t know it’s a quarter cheaper a few short miles down the road. We need to rise up and start a revolution, declaring in one voice “WE WILL NOT PAY YOUR EXTORTION FEE!” Sorry, got carried away again. But in all seriousness, save that money on gas when you can and always budget extra for gas. Worst case scenario is you spend it on gas. Best case scenario, you go for a fancy dinner on what’s left when you get home.

With all your logistics in order it’s time to think about what you’re going to see. Purchasing tickets before you leave is a great way to save money but it’s not the only way to save money. If you are going to a place like Disney or any park that requires tickets you can easily find bargain prices that will include meals or other amenities. This will obviously maximize your experience while showing kindness to your wallet. Also, don’t worry about purchasing tickets too far in advance. Wait for those deals, they’ll come back around and you’ll miss them if you bought the tickets at the wrong time. There’s always something online to give the low-down on when these sales can happen.

It also doesn’t hurt to brush up on your history. Little Big Horn, St. Louis Arch, the Hollywood sign, Rodeo Drive, Okefenokee Swamp, Gettysburg, Devil’s Tower, Mt. Rushmore, Mt. St Helens, Devil’s Slide, the Badlands, Acadia National Forrest, Seattle Space Needle, Meteor Crater, the Everglades, Yellowstone, and the Grand Canyon are all just examples of destinations where you can neat historical things to visit that won’t cost a lot of cash. Naturally, there are hundreds more if you do your homework. Doing some sniffing around will allow you to find cheap or free activities to make your trip more exciting. Depending on the season you can get in a lot of places for free.

One more detail about your attractions is they aren’t open all night. Some of them are barely open all day. If you ever find yourself in Washington D.C. you would deeply regret not stopping to see the Smithsonian Museums. They are nothing short of fantastic and will provide you knowledge and memories that will be with you forever. There’s only one problem, they are only open for banker’s hours. You could easily miss half of them, as so often happens, because they close before you can get to see everything. So make sure to look up the hours and any other information you’ll need so you can plan your days out.

Speaking of things to spend your money on, who can travel without paying attention to the food? You work every day, and eat the same thing all the time. You run home and make the staple foods in your house. You deserve to come up with at least one destination dining experience while you are out of town. Get on the internet and find something that is off the beaten path, different, new, neat, exciting, or recommended. It’s almost sacrilege to go on a trip without getting into the local culture. The best way to do that is through the food.

Now for the disclaimer they won’t show you on the travel channel. There is a rule in traveling that clearly states you can and will get food poisoning at some point if you travel enough. It’s unavoidable and it’s not to say it will only happen if you drop by one of the small-town loco-yoco eating establishments. Many a traveler have spent an evening naming all the tiles in their hotel bathroom after dinner at a nice restaurant. In point of fact, most small places are happy to have your business and will typically take better care of you. Look for the local joints with the long lines out the door and go there instead of wasting your time on bigger, mainstream places. Again, your hotel staff can probably direct you to the best places that won’t be on any pamphlets in your room.

There’s another rule of thumb concerning dining. It’s a contested rule, but for people on a budget it usually holds true. If you’ve eaten in one Chinese, Mexican, Italian, or pizza restaurant you’ve probably eaten in about 90% of them in America. If you truly want something different you need to rally talk to the locals and find the most out-of-the-way places. A small diner in Korea, Maine comes to mind when I say this. The proprietor opened her diner in her basement and she served the local lobster boat Captains. She did all her business and was closed by 8am.

This sounds like a crazy story, but I can unconditionally guarantee she served the best blueberry pancakes in America. You’d never see her in the paper, on the food network, in a cookbook, or on a billboard. Hell, she barely had a visible sign to mark her business, yet her dining room was full at 2am. It sounds like it should be a bar scene, yet her restaurant was nicely decorated with local antiques and themed in true coastal Maine fashion. These are the places to seek out when you travel as they will give you the best experience. That experience will be far better than any critically acclaimed restaurant you’d find.

You want everything to be fun on your trip. Even if it’s a business trip you need that chance to let your hair down. So it wouldn’t be any good if there wasn’t some safety pointers. To some this may seem like no-brainer stuff, but it’s added in because this is what real, live people have done. For example, change your tire when you get a flat. Don’t try to keep driving. Please stay in your car if there’s a wreck on the interstate. Don’t try to keep passengers on top of your luggage in the back of a pickup while you do a hundred miles an hour. Please, for the love of God, don’t do cocaine and drive. I don’t mean don’t drive under the influence. I mean don’t try to cut and snort cocaine driving down the road (yes, really.)

Don’t drink and drive is an easy one. If at all possible, can you please not change your feminine hygiene products while driving down the road? Hang up and drive, pull over and eat, and please use your turn signals. Seat belts save lives and the lines on the road are there for a reason. Don’t walk along the road in black cloths at 2am, and if you must stop at night please do so in a well-lit establishment.  Don’t pick up hitchhikers, especially if they’re dressed like Gandalf from the Lord of the Rings. Trust me, he’s not okay. This guy is far from okay and you don’t want him in your car.

There’s a few ideas for travel in America. I don’t fly, and will probably refuse to ever fly. Therefore all I can offer is a tid-bit for the skinflint out there that just needs to get away from it all for a few days. In conclusion, do your homework, be prepared, save your money, explore new things, and be safe. The final piece of advice is always have a good camera and always be ready to use it at the drop of a hat, any hat. Remember, most pictures of Bigfoot are blurry because someone didn’t have their camera ready. Enjoy and have safe travels.